I am severely depressed today. And as if fate would have it, the song that comes up is Natural Blues by Moby. It is by far the most perfect song that could have come up. I don't need to read the lyrics or anything. The song itself just has so much meaning for me, especially now. Finally after a week or so of posting, I finally got back the feeling I have when certain songs come up to me. I have troubles, a lot, not of faith in God, but in myself. I feel like I have lost myself. I lost myself in grad school, in friends, in relationships, in love and life. It's unhealthy for me to stay in touch with Jordan, but I can't pull myself away. I wake up each morning not wanting to start the day. i get to work and stare mindlessly at my screen hoping for the time to go home. I am stuck in a project that has no future. Everything is supposed to have a meaning right? A decision made has consequences right? God, am i that ungrateful? I lost my meaning. Thank God for this song to come up because it has seriously calmed me down, but what about after, what about tomorrow? How do I focus when I don't know where I am going?
The words in this blog express exactly how I feel right now....find myself putting up a front of happiness while inside I feel troubled w/myself. Like you said, not my faith in God just in myself.
ReplyDeleteHey wonderwall girl, how are u now? Its been 7 years since you posted. Would be nice to hear from u :) Love, Abhay
ReplyDeleteEsse esse percepe. To be is to be perceived. We reap what we sow. Did I sow this? All I Know is that I know nothing. It is not what can we do but I is what we must do. Life is hard.
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